nikka

Mon, 24 Mar 2003 19:48:22 GMT

my england is not good today! i am been speak german all day &now i can to remember england. so i am sorry for these words if they are broken.

it is a very foreign thing to me, this drama that i am see all over my friends list for leave a game - i hope that the two people i am refer to do not mind me say this, because i am not mean to... belittle what you are do. (for me 'drama' is not a dirty word.) i suppose that it is that i have not leave an game, but as well it is that i have not ever be emotionally invested (this is the word?) in them. i am think of this all day, because i do not know, but it is not something that have occur before. to me i mean. so i am think that maybe i do not get involved with anything. which i am find is reflective of me... i would like to feel for something what people have felt for this game. i would like this (dai had to tell me this word! is that awful?!) camaraderie which i have not had. perhaps one day. i hope so. i have also not have this same friendship that mireille & fleur obviously have, which is also make me kind of sad. the only thing i am feel that is like it is that with daimon. like anywhere he will go, i will go as well. i do not know if this is the same. & i am say again, i hope no one is mad for me to talk of things. it is just an opinion, i do not mean any malice.

-nikka

Sun, 23 Mar 2003 12:27:03 GMT

come you masters of war
you that build all the guns
you that build the death planes
you that build the big bombs
you that hide behind walls
you that hide behind desks
i just want you to know
i can see through your masks

you that never done nothin'
but build to destroy
you play with my world
like it's your little toy
you put a gun in my hand
and you hide from my eyes
and you turn and run farther
when the fast bullets fly

like judas of old
you lie and deceive
a world war can be won
you want me to believe
but i see through your eyes
and i see through your brain
like i see through the water
that runs down my drain

you fasten the triggers
for the others to fire
then you set back and watch
when the death count gets higher
you hide in your mansion
as young people's blood
flows out of their bodies
and is buried in the mud

you've thrown the worst fear
that can ever be hurled
fear to bring children
into the world
for threatening my baby
unborn and unnamed
you ain't worth the blood
that runs in your veins

how much do i know
to talk out of turn
you might say that i'm young
you might say i'm unlearned
but there's one thing i know
though i'm younger than you
even jesus would never
forgive what you do

let me ask you one question
is your money that good
will it buy you forgiveness
do you think that it could
i think you will find
when your death takes its toll
all the money you made
will never buy back your soul

and i hope that you die
and your death'll come soon
i will follow your casket
in the pale afternoon
and i'll watch while you're lowered
down to your deathbed
and i'll stand o'er your grave
'til I'm sure that you're dead

Mon, 10 Mar 2003 20:44:34 GMT

i would want to know why my fiance, who has not ever read harry potter, can grip with harry/draco when i am have so hard to understand it. they hate each other! it is not sexual! daimon has say i am to die alone & sad for not understand it, but i can see not to care. they hate each other, ok? it makes no sense.

Sat, 08 Mar 2003 15:01:15 GMT

alice has just give me a wonderful spoiler for a:ts, & i am now very happy. you are sense that i update because the sake of it, don't you?

edit: the icon is not an indicator of the spoiler, by the way.

GIP

Fri, 28 Feb 2003 16:45:45 GMT

there are not any happy icons when nikka is involved.
adored this episode. i am not professional review by any means, but i am have to say that this season is a great one to bow out on.
of course i have love for tom lenk, so perhaps i am bias.

Tue, 25 Feb 2003 09:47:58 GMT

(you will know the difference when i touch you.)

i have not updated in a long time, because not much happens ever (haha!) but i had think i better because it is daimon's birthday! so happy birthday, darling. i will see you on friday.

other than that... not much.

now i KNOW you wasn't just hating on alphabetical order

Mon, 10 Feb 2003 11:38:13 GMT

i thought i had better update. &let you know i am alive.
<3

Sat, 01 Feb 2003 20:02:43 GMT

i do not think that i will have my application ready for tomorrow. in fact i know i will not, because the only finished copy of it is reside in daimon's inbox. and he is away until tuesday.

bitch

Thu, 30 Jan 2003 19:01:06 GMT

Dai, i need to write an application for an RPG. will you help me, please?

Thu, 30 Jan 2003 09:36:00 GMT

i don't want to fight day and night;
bad enough you're going.
don't leave in silence with no word at all.
don't get drunk and slam the door, that's no way to end this
i know how i want you to say goodbye.
find a circus with a flying trapeze.
tell me on a Sunday, please.

(marti webb - tell me on a sunday)

do we only need to keep working because it pays rent?

Tue, 28 Jan 2003 20:03:25 GMT

MiNoN666: so what did you do tonight ?

let me see. i laid on my bed, & cried, & watched bill murray live the same day over a thousand times, with my thumb hovering over the talk button, waiting for you to call.

almost emilie: watched tv

stoptocheer, your girlfriend is on some kind of hallucinogenic drug. (i think)

Sat, 18 Jan 2003 20:25:48 GMT

kiedisgirl: What is that?!
siccajay: Marcus Flint. It's pretty much what would happen if Giles had sex with... wait, let me ponder on this for a moment.
kiedisgirl: Joyce Summers doesn't have teeth like that.
siccajay: ...Der Kindestod? Did that have big teeth?
kiedisgirl: Giles did not have sex with Der Kinderstod!
siccajay: Well, obviously we were not watching the same episode.

And then...

siccajay: Esther Rantzen!
kiedisgirl: Haha, what?
siccajay: Marcus Flint is what happened when Giles had sex with Esther Rantzen. (I'm not sure why, but instead of 'sex' I wrote 'sese'.)
kiedisgirl: Who is Esther Rantzen?
siccajay: See, once I said Giles I knew you wouldn't keep up.
siccajay: I'm giving you these in depth conversations and your head is going, "Blah blah blah Giles blah blah blah sex with Giles."

And later still...

kiedisgirl: He is from Harry Potter?
siccajay: Yes. Trying to explain things to you is very much like trying to grope an invisible person, you know.
kiedisgirl: I appreciate that analogy.
siccajay: I thought you might.
kiedisgirl: So, he is from Harry Potter, why is there an emoticon on him?
siccajay: ...
siccajay: I have wasted three hours of my life trying to explain the answer to that question and you still don't know it.
siccajay: [rips up paper, throws it in the air and walks off]

... so i still do not understand, & also my fingers hurt from all the formatting. haha. sorry, jessica.

Tue, 07 Jan 2003 15:29:30 GMT

(what is this life but full of care?
we have no time to stop & stare.)

i have done so little today. it is a wasted life, really. i have so little inclination to change things, though i know they could be improved with effort. i suppose the thing that has brought this on is usual, her little travels & ... that sounds perhaps belittling. i didn't intend it as so. but when you hear of people doing these things, & realistically, there is nothing to stop you from doing this. realistically, i could save my money, i could see the world. & perhaps i have settled for less than i could have - no. definitely i have settled for less. i have let myself become less than my potential, i have let myself be less than i should. & perhaps the worst thing is that when i am old, i will look back at my should-haves and could-have-beens & i will know that i can only blame myself.

Thu, 02 Jan 2003 21:56:30 GMT

(wants to be a hunter again
wants to see the world alone again
to take a chance on life again
so let me go.)

&i think no song has ever been less appropriate. heh. i cannot sleep without him here. so. they show some pretty good black and white movies at about four in the morning, so i will stay up. his plane lands at six. he'll be here by seven. four more hours and he'll be with me again.

Sat, 28 Dec 2002 16:43:49 GMT

(you said, we've got nothing in common
no common ground to start from & we're falling apart.)

i have a really bad pain in my hips & across my loer back, also all the way down my legs. it is like an ache. maybe it is just the virus working through, i don't know. i know it is very painful & i hope it goes away soon.

i don't really have a thing to say on this imperius V dolosus/lumosnox thing that has happened, or is happening: i am proud we are in fandom wank! that is all i think. debate and conflict keeps a fandom alive, i suppose. but anything more i have to say will just be a repeat of something else.

i am making james franco icons. i had forgotten how beautiful he is.

Sun, 15 Dec 2002 20:19:47 GMT

(& i won't tell a soul.
i won't tell at all.)

i think sometimes it would be very easy to live in a small house by the ocean. on my own. & i would not have to worry about the souls of others; & as much as i would lose i would also gain. i think it would be cleansing; very pure & helpful, free from the obstructions of outside influences. i would not want - that is what i think. i think that i cannot avoid this longing for material possessions as long as i am surrounded by them, but were i removed...

well, & then i look in the newspaper & a lady has died of hunger because she loved the isolated spots of the world. & i think, 'nikka, perhaps you belong just where you are.'